An Early Funeral And An Epic Rescue

After GI Joe had been missing for a few days, the toys began to worry about him. They hadn’t heard from him since he had left, and no one had any idea where he was. When one of the Furbies admitted that he had seen him in the garage climbing up the wheel of the car, a panic broke out among the toys and many of them were convinced that he was already dead. There was wailing and weeping of tears, and a funeral was organised.

The funeral went well, and this video was played as a memorial:

“Nonsense!” John Heron cried out, in an attempt to control the situation. “He survived the war, he can survive this too. I don’t know where he is, but wherever he is, he’s alive. I can feel it! We must rescue him.” The toys listened to John, but had no idea of where to start looking.

GI Joe and Jessica Rabbit woke up as the sun shone on their faces and yawned. They had a bit of time to cuddle before they had to get up and get dressed, as there was no rush to get anything done. Jessica had been so lonely since Roger was shot almost twenty years ago, so the novelty of having a man around hadn’t yet worn off and she wanted to make the most of it before his friends showed up and ruined everything. “Oh Joey Hunny”, she cooed. “Stay with me here”. “But the gang will be wondering where I am, Sweetheart”, Joe explained. “They’ll be worried, they’ll think I hurt myself or something”.

Smoking is a terrible habit, but Jessica was nervous that Joe might leave.
Smoking is a terrible habit, but Jessica was nervous that Joe might leave.

Jessica was nervous that the toys would take Joe away from her, but she didn’t want to start a fight that might cause her to lose him so she put her clothes on and lit a cigarette. Joe knew she felt that way so he didn’t bother encouraging her to put the cigarette out, he let her have her smoke. He wondered also about the toys – he missed them, but he has a great thing going on with Jessica too. Perhaps she would be interested in coming back with him to live at John’s place?

When John had heard that GI Joe had climbed up the wheel of the car and held onto the underneath of the engine, he retraced his steps of where he had driven that day. “Let me think”, he said aloud to no one in particular. “It wasn’t a long drive, I just went to the grocery store down the street – its walking distance really, I only drove so I didn’t have to carry the groceries all that way, lazy really”. So he walked outside and down the street to look for him.

There were only about six or seven shops between his house and the grocery store so it wasn’t long before he found Joe. He had gone into each shop asking if anyone had seen a lost GI Joe toy, and eventually there he was in a tattoo parlour, sitting in a pot plant posing as if he was sniping the customers. The tattooist thought it looked cool to set him up in that position so Joe stayed like that, he had no intention of actually shooting anybody. The tattooist liked his new shop decoration, so John had to pay $10 to get him back. They walked out of the shop and Joe immediately started yelling to go back in. “John! We gotta go back! Don’t take me without my girlfriend, man! She’s still back there!” So John walked back into the shop and started to bargain with the tattooist for the Jessica Rabbit figurine.

Jessica Rabbit was quite the model figurine.
Jessica Rabbit was quite the model figurine.

“She’s not for sale” the tattooist told him. “You can’t just come in and buy our shop decorations, we’ve had this one as long as we’ve had the shop. Either get a tattoo, or leave the shop”. John and Joe left the shop, and drove to the local toy store. The plan was to buy three or four different Jessica Rabbit figurines, and swap them for the one in the store. John could sympathise with John, and was only too happy to help. “Good evening ladies,” Joe said to the JR figurines, still in their packaging.

Jessica meanwhile, was distraught that Joe had been taken and she hadn’t, and decided she was going to run away to find him again. She noticed that when John and Joe had left the shop, they turned right, so she knew which way to go. She went to her private stash and pulled out the best heel protectors NZ has ever seen, the fancy kind of flared heel protectors that are designed to help you wear heels in the craziest of situations. She put them in her heels and shimmied down the table leg and landed on her feet like a boss. Hiding behind a curtain while customers came into the shop, she waited for her opportunity and then bolted out the shop door.

Grass looks big, but it doesn't hold the weight of people so you'll still get squashed if they stand on you.
Grass looks big, but it doesn’t hold the weight of people so you’ll still get squashed if they stand on you.

When John and Joe came in about two minutes later and proposed a swap, she was nowhere to be seen. The tattooist thought John was crazy but was only too happy to make the swap, however he couldn’t find her. John gave him the figurines anyway and went out the door. They looked around and couldn’t find her, they called out her name – eventually they found her hiding in the grass from the pedestrians so they wouldn’t stand on her. “Thats not safe either – people still walk on the grass too you know” John told her. They took her back to John’s place and introduced her to the other toys.

GI Joe Goes Missing


John Heron had always told the toys that they’re not allowed to leave the house but some of them didn’t appreciate that. They wanted to get out and see the world, have an adventure. Of course, John would always forbid them and didn’t appreciate them going on about it, until one day they were nagging him to take them out for a ride and he shouted at them to shut up.

So GI Joe got offended and decided to go out on the town anyway. He  climbed under the car and found something to hold onto, and waited. He had fallen asleep before anything actually happened, but eventually John got in the car and raced off down the road. Immediately GI Joe knew that he had made a fatal mistake – the road underneath him was going past so quickly that if GI Joe had fallen down he would have immediately died a horrible and painful death. He was doing everything he could to hold on for dear life as John’s car raced around town, until eventually the car stopped at some traffic lights, and GI Joe lost his grip and fell onto the road and rolled into the gutter.

GI Joe: Nothing in all his years in the army had prepared him for anything like this.
GI Joe: Nothing in all his years in the army had prepared him for anything like this.

He had grazed himself a little bit and his arm was twisted, but everything was still in working order. So GI Joe got up and looked around town – everything was so big!  He walked into a nearby shop, narrowly missing get stepped on by a big burly motorbike gangster. Nothing in all his years in the army had ever prepared him for anything like this – he had to fight just to stay alive in this one.

So he climbed up the table and hid among the tattoo machines, ready to shoot anyone if they  came at him – unfortunately for him, the first law of being a toy was to always pretend to be a dead statue in front of humans, even if it costs you your life. So he was unable to defend himself in case any humans came.

Evetually the owner of the tattoo shop discovered him and assumed that a customer had left him there by accident. He thought it was cute so he took GI Joe into his office, where he put him next to a figurine of Jessica Rabbit. Perhaps this trip wasn’t going to be so bad after all!

To Be Continued…

The New Girl At Work

A) John looking handsome on the phone
A) John looking handsome on the phone

John Heron was sitting at the office talking on his phone to the Commander-In-Chief of his Barrel Of Monkeys about the latest monkey army flank maneouvre in research and development, when the new girl Betty came to the office for her first day. She could see John sitting there talking and felt that he was so majestic looking and handsome that she immediately fell in love with him. Fortunately for him, she didn’t understand what he was talking about, and thought he was landing a big deal with a client.

B) Who John was talking to on the phone
B) Who John was talking to on the phone

“They’re going to need to hang on a little longer”, he said. “The weight can be a bit much at times but others are all relying on those at the top”. He spun his pen around with his fingers. “Yes I know, I know – all it takes is a little carelessness from one member and the whole team will come crashing down. Thats why you have to inspire them with a prep talk, they need to maintain their grip on things if they’re going to hold everything up”.  John got up and walked to the kitchen to make himself a coffee while continuing the conversation. “Thats why you need me, Mr Young” (Mr Young was named after Mighty Joe Young). “This is my expertise, and you know you can’t find anyone else in New York who can help you like I can … No, its my pleasure Mr Young, I am always happy to help you with these things, I feel it is not only a privilege but something of a duty. Yes Mr Young, I will talk to you tonight. Goodbye”.

“Just landed another big deal, huh?” Betty asked John. “Um, I’m sorry, what?” he replied. “I was listening to your phone conversation and it sounds like you have just landed another really big client”. John realised he was in the clear, as noone ever suspects that you were actually talking to a plastic monkey. “No, this particular client has been with us for a very long time. So you must be Betty! Welcome to Heron Inc, I hope you enjoy working here. My name is John”.

Betty Boop, the new girl at work who fell in love with John.
Betty Boop, the new girl at work

She almost snorted her coffee. She hadn’t realised that this handsome man was John Heron,  the CEO of Heron Inc, after whom the company was named. “You’re John Heron? Oh its a pleasure to finally meet you! You’re a lot younger than I had expected! You wouldn’t, um, happen to be, er, single? By any chance?”

Despite her forward advance they actually got on really well. After all, he was single. She gave him a pack of cherry tomatoes as a gift, so he gave her an avocado (which by all means, is one of the best fat burners for women. But I digress). “Did you know that avocado in Chinese is cow oil fruit? I know, right?” They both laughed. They looked into each other’s eyes for a while. Then they looked away and blushed. Something had begun between them, and John had no idea what to do. How was he going to tell her that he was the Emperor of Toys? She’d never believe him! He began to fear that she would break his heart if she ever found out, and it bothered him…

To be continued…

Do Toys Go To Heaven?

The Toxic Crusaders just chillin'.
The Toxic Crusaders just chillin’.

So one day the teddy bears were hanging out with the Toxic Crusaders, talking about all sorts of stuff, until things started to go wrong when the two-headed guy brought up religion. There are two topics that always have a risk of bringing in trouble: religion and politics. He made some comment about how it was a pity that toys don’t go to heaven when they die, and Pookie the teddy bear got offended. He ran off and cried, until another Teddy bear came along to cheer him up.

So having been encouraged, Pookie jumps in the car with John Heron and goes on a long road trip all over the country to check out just about all of the churches in new zealand to research whether or not toys go to heaven or not. Eventually he found this one place and listened to a baptist sermon about how humans became sinful and was going to hell, until God came to be a man to rescue them by dying for them.

Pookie – Not going any place bad

Pookie got the revelation: heaven and hell had nothing to do with teddy bears or any other toys, it was entirely a matter of humans. So Pookie wasn’t sure whether he’d go to heaven or not, but he was certainly sure that he wasn’t going to go to any place bad, and for that he felt comforted. John Heron started going to church, and Pookie felt that that was appropriate. John even invited Pookie to come along, but Pookie didn’t feel the need. He knew it wasn’t really relevant to him, so he declined the offer.

The Day Five Brave Toys Saved The World (And Saved John About $500 In Roof Repair Costs)

Ok at this point I’m thinking it should be a tv series, rather than a movie, because so many ideas can’t fit in one movie. Probably. Anyway everything on this website is only brainstorming, nothing official as of yet.

Esok the Viking

Okay so this new toy comes along, a Viking action figurine called Esok. He’s a great guy, but he’s always scared that the sky will fall on his head, so he wears this helmet to protect himself just in case. He read in a holy Viking book that one day the sky will fall on everyone’s head. Everyone thinks thats silly and teases him about it, but some of the younger toys are concerned – what if the prophecy is true?

Anyway John Heron (as an adult) is climbing around on the roof trying to set up some Christmas lights, and he puts his foot somewhere where he shouldn’t have, making a hole in the roof with his foot and sending a whole lot of dust crashing down into the room below. All the toys in the room below are terrified and believe that the prophecy is indeed true, as the Viking Scriptures said. According to the book, says Esok, the dust coming down was only the beginning -there were much worse things to come before the actual sky fell on their heads. A rainstorm hit that night, and though John put a bucket to collect the water, the toys were lying awake all night, worried about what would happen next.

John knows that the hole in the roof is not the end of the world, that the sky will not fall on everyone’s heads, but he cannot explain to anybody why because it is a matter entirely in the realm of adult humans, which toys cannot understand. So he explains it to them in terms that they understand, that they must embark on a quest to save the world, to “prevent the sky from falling”. Roof restoration has never been so exciting. John figures if the toys can fix the roof for him, he doesn’t need to spend any money on a repairman. The price of roofing Auckland has to pay is a lot, almost as much as roof restoration Brisbane, though not as much as roof repairs Gold Coast.

So John gets some of the bravest toys to embark on his ‘quest’, and sends them up onto the roof to fix the hole. Of course, he has to be up there with them to explain what they need to do. From the neighbours perspective, it looks like John is up on the roof playing with his toys, but eventually the roof gets fixed, the rain stops pouring in, the toys receive a viking parade from the other toys for their valour in saving the world from the falling sky, and John saves a few hundred dollars on roof repair.

This would be pretty funny, seeing the toys working on the roof repair like the fate of the world depended on it – perhaps they should do it in the rain, to make it more scary, and someone slips and almost falls off the roof for dramatic effect. At any rate, its an interesting concept that John Heron is at the same time both completely crazy in his friendship with the toys and yet totally civilised and mature like a normal adult, the way he goes about getting the roof fixed. Its should be ambiguous at this point whether John is even crazy or not, perhaps the toys are real? But then you see from the neighbours’ point of view, John fixing the roof himself with the toys in his hands. No, the toys are only real in John’s head.

Idea: The Evil Clown

As I come up with ideas I’ll just post them on this site until I’ve got a big enough collection of ideas to start writing up a script.

The creepy clown that you love to hate
The creepy clown that you love to hate

Ok so at that stage in the movie where he’s starting to look sane in front of his parents again but he has to keep a kingdom together in his bedroom, there are all sorts of problems that go wrong while he is at school. His castle, the bunk bed with slide, is under attack from a toy that his parents had given John for his last birthday, some freaky clown puppet. He had been telling all the toys that he is the new leader while John is away, even though John said no such thing.

So he had gone around the room renovating it to look like some gothic emo kid’s bedroom, which made the parents worry. John had to apologise and tell the parents, “Gee, what was I thinking? It looks so ugly, I’ll change it right now”.

Then while he was browsing the internet looking at sites like trying to think of boys bedroom ideas to renovate his room, the clown was off clowning around with John’s sister’s barbie dolls, and that was really bad. Half the dolls in John’s sister’s bedroom were all depressed because they had been used, abused, and dumped.

Though that last part might be a bit dodgy for a kiddy audience, it should probably be implied, rather than blatantly obvious what the clown was up to.


John Heron: The King of Wonderland

This is the John Heron Project: I’m going to make an awesome film about a kid called John Heron.

fullretardSo this is my idea. There’s this little kid playing in a loft bed with slide, and he’s teamed up with his GI Joe to defeat the evil Jafaar (the bad guy off Aladdin) when all of a sudden his imagination goes full-retard and it’s down the old rabbit hole. On the one hand there are scenes of the crying parents trying to cope with their child going insane, on the other hand it shows the kid’s journey through Wonderland, and the two realms parallel in plot and intertwine. So the kids loft bed with slide becomes his little castle and he becomes the king in this land, where he has to lead his people and effectively run a country.

Eventually the task of leading a people as king is such a daunting task that he grows up very quickly and becomes quite mature, like an adult. In his interaction with his parents he realises that they do not see his kingdom as he does, but in his maturity he decides to pretend not to see his kingdom and to live a ‘normal life’ for his parents. On the one hand his parents are encouraged that their son is ‘healing’, on the other hand he is still as crazy as he ever was and needs to keep his kingdom in order while going to school and living a normal life.

The bunk bed with slide, his castle in his bedroom, falls into chaos while he is at school and he needs to appoint leaders who will run the country in his absence. By the time he grows up and leaves school, graduates from university and becomes a CEO in a big company, he still needs to ring the toys in his bedroom from his cellphone to keep them in order while he is at work. However being a king since his childhood has made him so mature that as a CEO he is like a king in his demeanour and everybody looks up to him and respects him.